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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26935240">sunshine</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s03e16 Elephant's Memory, Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Sad Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid-centric, a tad bit of angst, but I had an idea and rolled with it, i don't really know what i'm doing, the goalpost incident</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:19:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,844</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26935240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It hovers far above him in the sky, sending a seemingly never-ending supply of light his way, and he has no choice but to let wave after wave after wave of heat beat down on him, making the temperature of the goalpost on his bare skin unbearable, but there is nothing he can do because he is tied up, helpless, waiting for someone to notice him or realize he’s gone.</p><p>Waiting for someone to care.</p><p>Or, it starts with the sun, but ends with a family.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spencer Reid &amp; The BAU Team</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sunshine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>first CM fic, and I'm only about halfway through S4, but I would die for any member of the BAU except Gideon.</p><p>Kind of insecure about this fic because I had (and still have) no clue what I was doing with it, but posting it anyway so-</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>The sun is a double-edged sword</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thinks as the metal goalpost behind him grows steadily warmer and his skin starts to burn. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It brings life, but prolonged exposure to ultraviolet rays or heat can be fatal.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It hovers far above him in the sky, sending a seemingly never-ending supply of light his way, and he has no choice but to let wave after wave after wave of heat beat down on him, making the temperature of the goalpost on his bare skin unbearable, but there is nothing he can do because he is tied up, helpless, waiting for someone to notice him or realize he’s gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Waiting for someone to care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The others have gone home, having gotten bored of his struggling and pleas for help. He’s realized that he can’t get out of these bindings alone, and so he stops trying, leaning his head against the searing metal, unable to brush his too-long hair out of his eyes, and tries to recite facts to pass the time until someone realizes he is gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Sun contains approximately 99.86% of the mass in the Solar System. It takes the Sun 250 million years to orbit the center of the Milky Way. One day, the Sun will consume the Earth.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He thinks the sun might as well consume him now, and get it over with already. His skin is now blistering red, and still nobody has come.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Sun rotates in the opposite direction to the Earth. The Sun is a yellow dwarf star, with surface temperatures ranging between 5,000 and 5,700 degrees Celsius.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun is not directly overhead anymore. It is gradually sinking into the horizon, and he feels the metal pressing into his skin cool slightly. Everything still hurts, however, and he sends the sky a silent plea, asking for someone to come free him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The janitor finally finds him after the sun is long gone, having disappeared past the horizon in an array of warm colors that would have been more beautiful to him, had he not been tied naked to a goalpost for the last few hours. His clothes are still lying in the grass not far from where he’d been held, and so he quietly thanks the janitor, puts on his clothes, and walks home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mother is pacing, muttering to herself when he arrives home six hours late. He greets her, pretending nothing is wrong, because she didn’t notice, </span>
  <em>
    <span>she didn’t notice</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it’s not her fault that she didn’t notice and telling her would make her feel guilty. His mother already beats herself up enough for being the reason why his father left. There is no need to add to that load.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Besides, he could deal with it on his own, just as he always had. He would be fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he slathers aloe vera gel that he finds buried in a cabinet over his angry red skin, he catches sight of the smiling sun on the label, wearing a pair of dark sunglasses and beaming at him, as if its counterpart isn’t the reason why he needs to use the aloe vera in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The sun is a double-edged sword.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>☀</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His first thought when he meets Jennifer Jareau is that </span>
  <em>
    <span>her hair looks like rays of sunlight.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She smiles up at him as he awkwardly towers over everyone, and accepts that he doesn’t shake hands with a friendly nod. She radiates gentle warmth like the sun on a beautiful day, her eyes the color of a clear sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been so long since he’s experienced warmth from someone that it’s no wonder she is the first one he ever asks on a date, to that Redskins game that Gideon gives him tickets to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, they figure out that their bond is purely platonic, and he is content to bask in her warmth as a friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>☀</span>
</p><p>
  <span>JJ may look like the sun, but Penelope Garcia </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> the sun. She is bright, and cheery, and loud, but in a good way, because her peppy demeanor is what keeps them going as the weights of case after case, death after death, are added to their shoulders. She radiates light and a joyful warmth that never fails to make them smile, and for that, he is grateful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even though she sees her fair share of blood and death, she makes up for it with colorful trinkets and clothing and rainbow streaks in her hair, painted fingernails flying across the black keyboards that blend into the rest of the monochrome room that is her office. She is the bright spot that helps bring light into a job that brings seemingly endless gloom, the way the Sun brought life to Earth and continues to keep shining through the 4.603 billion years, despite everything that has gone on around it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the field, they depend on her for all sorts of background information in order to properly conduct their investigation, and without her, they would be lost, just like the planets in the solar system would not survive without the Sun. Although she doesn’t go into the field often, she is still a crucial member of their team. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garcia’s warmth is bright and joyful, the sun in a sky during the peak of summer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>☀</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hotch reminds him of autumn sun, still there, still shining, but the temperatures are cooler as their position on the Earth spins away from the Sun. However, when one walks in a park in autumn, feet crunching the fallen leaves, one can see the golden bursts of light that stream through the gaps in the red leaves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is an elegant sort of beauty to autumn, and that is what he thinks Hotch resembles, a chilly exterior with the occasional bursts of light and warmth that make whoever is on the receiving end of it happy for days afterwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hotch’s sun is a bit colder, having seen so much more, and it is evident in the haunted shadows of his eyes, but still it shines, and still, warmth bursts through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>☀</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Prentiss is the sunset. Layer upon layer upon layer of colors, hues of amber and violet and gold and everything in between, packed into an endless expanse of sky. With Prentiss, there is always something else underneath. Every time he thinks he understands her, there is a new color, a new shade of red or gold or purple, something he doesn’t yet know about her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Prentiss is the sunset, because sunsets are beautiful, irresistible. They attract you, draw you in. Nobody can walk past one and not stop for a moment to admire the view, and Prentiss draws the heads of men (and women) wherever she goes, midnight hair always perfectly framing her face. She knows how to use her beauty to her advantage, extracting information from predators and narcissists and even small children who bore witness to terrible things and see her as their mother or older sister.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sunset is beautiful, but it is also dangerous, because it only lasts for so long. Afterwards, it is night, and temperatures plummet. Prentiss is dangerous, because she may give off warmth and light and color, but she also knows how to retract it in a heartbeat. She goes from smiling to serious in an instant, body coiling up like a lioness ready to pounce.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her warmth is different, in a way that all the words rattling around in his can’t properly describe. It feels… purple. While purple, in itself, is a cool color, due to the saturation of blue, Prentiss’ purple is warm like a fuzzy blanket, and distant like the midnight sky.lol</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thinks it is because she is afraid to get close, to open up completely. Prentiss may always hold herself a tiny ways away from the others, and that is alright, because everyone is entitled to their own secrets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>☀</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan is the winter sun, harsh light glancing off of snow and ice, blinding those who stare for too long. It can be argued, however, that they deserved it, because Morgan only ever is forceful with those who commit heinous crimes first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The winter sun is not very strong, but it persists, and Morgan is nothing if not persistent. The sun continues to shine through the cold months (unless you live near the poles, and he is in Virginia) and casts light so one can see the gently drifting snowflakes, floating through the air and settling on the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has good memories of winter from when he was young. The one time it snowed enough for it to accumulate in Las Vegas, and his mother helped him build a scaled-down replica of the Parthenon, before his father dragged him off to have a snowball fight. The images of that day are as crystal clear as ever in his mind, each one illuminated by the glow of a winter sun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>☀</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The team drags him out to the park for a picnic on one of their rare days off, and he goes along without much complaint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sky is clear of any clouds, a brilliant blue, and the sun shines down on them, golden light washing over everyone as they set up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watches as Garcia tells a joke, making everyone, including him laugh, as even Hotch cracks a smile. He can almost see the light golden warmth radiating from JJ, the bright yellow one from Garcia, the reddish gold of Hotch, the painting that is Prentiss’ warmth, and Morgan’s persistent glow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees how the lights and glows of his teammates push back the darkness in the others, and in return, their own deepest, darkest thoughts are battled by the light of their friends, making them smile wider and laugh louder and easing some of the weight on their shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glances at the sky, squinting against the light at the sun that once glared down at him so harshly on a football field as he struggled, and finds that his memory of that day isn’t the most prominent one when he sees the star that brings life to this planet anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, the images that come to mind are better ones, ones of sugary coffee on his desk when he arrives at the office, of knitted scarves for the holidays and nicknames of ‘pretty boy’, of proud smiles and quiet laughter when he wins yet another round of poker, of loyalty and comfort and light and warmth and </span>
  <em>
    <span>home.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun may be harsh and painful and lethal in great amounts, but it also brought life, and by extension, it brought him his team, a group of smaller suns that shine just as bright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels all the tension drain from the shoulders as he relaxes, throwing back his head in laughter as Morgan finishes the punchline to a joke.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The sun is a double edged sword</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thinks, not for the first time in his life. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It may hurt, and it may kill, but it also brings life, and it brought me a family, a home.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'd say come bother me on <a href="https://m3owww.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>, but it's full of DCU and Maribat stuff and literally nothing CM related so...</p><p>Also, you are not required to comment, but they make me smile and I genuinely love reading them, so it would be greatly appreciated if you did leave one :)</p><p>(except for guests, because I had a bad experience with one a while back. sorry!)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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